A man walks into a lawyer's office and says, "I'm in big trouble. I just had sex with a goat in the middle of the town square. It was in broad daylight, and there must have been a dozen witnesses. Can you help me out?"

"We sure can," replies the lawyer. "We are the best in the 'abused childhood' defense strategy. No matter what your crime, we can blame it on your parents and get you off scot free. We've never lost a case."

"Great! How much do you charge?"

"$500 an hour."

The man gasps. "Oh, my, I can't possibly afford that."

The lawyer shrugs. "Sorry, that's the best I can do."

The man goes to another lawyer, and explains the situation.

"Well, you're in luck," says the second lawyer. "We are reknowned for the 'temporary insanity' defense. We've freed murderers, rapists, armed robbers, you name it. A goat sex charge is a piece of cake; we can't lose."

"Fantastic! What do you charge?"

"$300 an hour."

"Oh dear, I can't afford that kind of money."

The lawyer shrugs, and the man heads out again, a little more nervous now. He spots a small attorney's office, conservatively furnished, with little more than a shingle on the door. "Oh well, what have I got to lose?" He goes in and explains his predicament.

"No problem," replies the third lawyer. "We're masters in jury selection, which is the key to any trial. We hand-pick the jurors so that you can rest assured you're being judged by a sympathetic audience. You've nothing to fear."

Cringing, the man asks, "How much do you charge?"

"$30 an hour."

"Oh! Well, I can afford that!" They shake hands and a deal is made.

Monday morning rolls around, and the case comes up for trial. The prosecuting attorney opens by saying, "Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, the defendent was seen by no fewer than twelve witnesses having sex with a goat in broad daylight. Not only did he engage in this disgusting act, but when he was done, the goat turned around and licked the man's genitals."

One of the jurors nudged another and winked knowingly. "A good goat'll do that."