My Mom taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE -
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside - I just finished cleaning!"

My Mom taught me RELIGION -
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

My Mom taught me about TIME TRAVEL -
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

My Mom taught me LOGIC -
"Because I said so, that's why."

My Mom taught me FORESIGHT -
"Make sure you wear clean underwear in case you're in an accident."

My Mom taught me IRONY -
"Keep laughing and I'll give you something to cry about."

My Mom taught me about the science of OSMOSIS -
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper!"

My Mom taught me about CONTORTIONISM -
"Will you look at the dirt on the back of your neck!"

My Mom taught me about STAMINA -
"You'll sit there 'til all that spinach is finished."

My Mom taught me about WEATHER -
"It looks as if a tornado swept through your room."

My Mom taught me how to solve PHYSICS PROBLEMS -
"If I yelled because I saw a meteor coming toward you, would you listen then?"

My Mom taught me about HYPOCRISY -
"If I've told you once, I've told you a million times - Don't exaggerate!"

My Mom taught me THE CIRCLE OF LIFE -
"I brought you into this world and I can take you out."

My Mom taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION -
"Stop acting like your father!"

My Mom taught me about ENVY -
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do!"